This year I decided to give myself a very specific Christmas present.  I’ve picked the one relationship in my life that has caused me the most pain and work on it.  This work included devoting an entire session with my counselor to the relationship this past week.

With his help, I came up with a wonderful insight I thought would be worth sharing.

After spending 30-minutes talking about the entire history of our relationship, my counselor said, “It might be helpful if you quit trying to write your loved one’s story.”

I immediately asked him what he meant by that.

“In listening to you talk about the relationship, I couldn’t help but notice that you were constantly adding interpretative details and insights to the script – or the story – of your relationship.  Some of those interpretative details MIGHT be accurate,” he noted.  “But some might be WAAAAY off the mark.  Why don’t you take a break from writing that script this holiday season?”

That in essence is the gift I’m giving myself.  I’m working to stop pouring so much negative energy into writing a script that fueled my hurt and frustration with my loved one – and letting things unfold in a less “scripted” way.

This holiday season I am happy to share my gift with you by asking you, “Is there a relationship in your life that has caused you a great deal of pain that has been affected by the script you have written?”

If so, step back, give yourself a break, and open yourself to the possibility that future chapters might evolve in a different way: if you let them.

See you next time!